September 14, 2019

It doesn't matter what you think, a mother-in-law (MIL) CANNOT take over the running of the home of her son while the son's wife is there. The MIL must maintain the restrained presence of a special guest of honor. I had to make this clarification because I could read all manner of comments from men suggesting that their mothers are the madams of their houses, which showed they totally misunderstood my post. Your mother cannot be the lady of your house, even if you're single. Do you sleep with your mum? Does she sleep in your bedroom? It is wrong to allow your mother to push your wife aside and begin to run your home. Indeed, when I saw everybody liking my post I became concerned. Anytime I see too many people agreeing with me, I feel disturbed. If you are not ready to marry, don't marry. But if you marry, accept the meaning and implication of your marriage. If your mother is still the woman in your life, you cannot say you're married or that you're a grown adult. Not just coming over and taking over your home, your mother is not the woman with final say on what happens in your house. She can't be. Even those of you that claim to be Christians don't understand the Bible. "Respect and honor your parents" does not mean your mother can shove your wife aside. I read some of the men threatening to throw the wife out of the house if she asks the mother to leave. I pity them because they already condemned themselves to marrying a poor uneducated and unemployed wife whom they can enslave. Otherwise, if they marry their equal, how can they throw them out. Instead, they will be leaving with their mothers. Just respect and honor your parents, don't bring your mother to push your wife away. And please don't come to DPA and threaten to throw your wife out. We are not comfortable with that. That means that you're using our platform to propagate an idea we condemn. We won't accept that. If you are a mother and you're visiting your son and his wife, and the wife asks when you are living, that is after you have stayed 6 months, you should not get offended. It is a legitimate question. It may not be diplomatic for her to ask you in such a direct manner. But you can't get offended. No home or family can be peaceful or prosperous if you do not accord every member the respect and honor due to him or her. Respect and honor your parents.

I was forced to make this post after I read in the forum the story of one woman, which stated as follows: "I have been married to my husband for six years but for three years now,am now regretting my marriage. It all started the day I politely asked my mother-in-law with a clear conscience when she would be going back to the village when she had already stayed six months in what she made us believe was only a visit at the beginning. She became angry and said I had no right to question her when to come and go from her son's house,that that is how I made her son forget her and his siblings since we got married with a lot of other abuses. Since then,she is the one now cooking for her son,washing his clothes and discussing office issues with him when he comes back from work. My husband no longer has time for me and our two children(a boy and girl) as he practically spends every bit of his free time with his mum. It has been like this for three years now and am no longer finding it funny and my mother-in-law is still not showing any sign of leaving yet and my husband and I never had planned of her coming to live with us..." If you can control the rush of emotions, you will easily agree with me that a woman has right to tell her mother-in-law to leave her marital home. We can do that to our own parents if they become a pain. Yeah! We can all say: "Mama, prepare to go home. You have stayed too long with us'. The woman can do it to her own mother who has overstayed. The man can do it to his own mother who has overstayed. In fact, the man can do it to his mother-in-law who has overstayed, hopefully not in a rude or direct manner. Now, tell me why the woman cannot do it to her mother-in-law. There are only two reasons why it is hard for a woman to do it to her mother-in-law. The first reason is cultural. The Nigerian culture (which is not an excuse) believes that the wife is also somehow a visitor, that the house belongs to the man more than it belongs to the woman. Therefore, it seems odd for one visitor to order another visitor out. Consistent with that culture, they think that the man's mother is closer to the man than his wife is to him. This leads to the further fallacy of believing that the house belongs more to the husband's mother than to the wife. But this is not the law. The wife has greater rights in the house than the mother-in-law. The wife is not a visitor, but the mother-in-law is a visitor. Let's just get one thing right: The man and his wife have equal rights in the house. Others derive their rights from the husband and wife jointly. So, your wife can ask your mother to leave. The second reason is economic. If the wife is unemployed and has no income of her own, she is practically a slave. She will not be able to exercise her right to ask her mother-in-law to leave. She will be too scared to do so because she herself is a dependent. We must deal with the two issues. First, nobody forces you to marry. So, as you choose a wife, understand that she has the right to ask your mother to leave. So, look for a woman so kind she won't throw your mother into the rain. And please explain to your mother in very clear terms like this: "Dear Mama, I love you so much. I appreciate the fact that you bore me in your womb for 9 months and nourished me with your breast milk. You gave me life and cared for me. In fact, without you, I will not exist. I owe my life to you. But, Mama, as you know, there was a time I could not survive without your breast milk, but there came a time when I had to leave your breast milk in order to continue to survive. Likewise, time has come for me to find a wife. And once I find my wife, my future and my life will now depend on her just as my life depended on you when I was young. So, Mama, my wife, not you, will be responsible to run my life henceforth". Tell your mother this in your native language. If your mother understands this, she will not come to try to run your home in place of your wife. And please build or rent a separate home for your parents and your parents-in-law. Make sure the home of your parents and that of your parents-in-law are comfortable and they enjoy the same standard of living. Once I've done that, they must allow my wife to run our own home without their interference. On the economic angle, don't get married without being employed. Having your own source of income is more important than getting married. The worst thing you can do to yourself is to try to depend on your husband's income. And those women who depend on their husband's income will grow old to depend on their son's income. They are the ones likely to hijack the home of their daughter-in-law. I end by saying this: You do have the legal right to throw your mother-in-law out. But if you really love your husband, you must respect the woman that breast-fed him. She is actually the woman you took over from in the business of caring for that man.  A man needs to depend on a woman throughout his life. When he was young, that woman was his mother and when he is grown up, that woman is his wife. So, the two women should be friends and should respect each other. What should bind them together is the fact that they dedicated their lives to caring for the same man at different stages in his life. If you treat your mother-in-law right, she may give you some information about your husband that will help you know how to run your home better. If you need advice on how to manage your husband better, do not go to your mother because your mother doesn't know your husband better than you do. The person you go to is your mother-in-law. She knows how she managed the monster you just discovered in your husband. For you, the bad things you just discovered about your husband came as a surprise. But to your mother-in-law, that is his nature. So, befriend your mother-in-law and you will enjoy your marriage.

The story told in that piece is the greatest evil DPA is fighting against. And that is exactly what is happening to Emeka Ugwuonye today. He fought the police and tried to expose evidence of the police killing innocent people. The Nigerian police framed him up for murder and armed robbery, and a collusive and inept judiciary remanded him in prison custody.   IN CASE YOU MISSED IT By OK oh Sheriff E. E. My Lord Chief Justice of Nigeria, "Are you aware that today in Nigeria SARS/Police can pick you up, demand money from you and if you refuse, you can be charged for "armed robbery or Kidnapping or both"? Guess what? The magistrate or judge (depending on the jurisdiction) is going to remand you in prison and send your file to the DPP for advice. That means you would be kept off the street despite your innocence. That advice takes 2-12 months, and could run into years. You may not get how bad things have become. Let me explain. If a Magistrate/judge grants you bail for a bailable offence, in most cases you are asked to produce 2 sureties who are responsible, gainfully employed and reside within the court's jurisdiction. Your sureties are going to produce all manner of documents, ranging from letter of employment, TCC, letter of recommendation from your lawyer and their employers, utility bills, rent receipts etc. The extortion process kicks in; You know these court clerks? They are not going to process anything until you drop from 3-10k. Your sureties are going to be interviewed by the magistrate. If they fail, you start the process again. If they scale through, the prosecutor is supposed to verify their home address/place of work. My dear, you are going to bribe the prosecutor with 20-50k to do their jobs! It might be higher at the Federal High Court! If you refuse, LOL. Remember, you have been moved to prison while waiting for your bail to be perfected When they have successfully "verified" your sureties the magistrate is going to sign your release warrant. Court clerks would also extort an additional 2k to 10k to move the file to the magistrate and photocopy your release warrant   You think your release warrant is signed & you are free? Prison officials are going to ask you for 10-20k to Fast-track the release. You know the funny part, all these criminals (Police, Prosecutor, Prison officials, court clerks/registrars and etcetera all believe that politicians are our problems. They also do morning devotion and pray 5 times daily. My Lord, please let the Administration of Criminal Justice Monitoring and Enforcement Committee under your office supervise the Courts nationwide for a swifter and equitable administration of criminal justice in Nigeria. Call the Police and the Attorney Generals in Nigeria to order very quickly. We have too many innocent Nigerians in Prison. Fait justicia et that coleum, let justice be done, even if the heavens falls, and if justice is done, the heavens in deed would be happier with Nigeria.

With the news that Tanzanian Airline has suspended its flights to South Africa on account of the xenophobic violence, the hand of the clock of evil is coming full circle on South Africa. What a disaster and what a failure! The ANC leadership is full of incompetent and heavily corrupt politicians who cannot see beyond their noses.  How could South African leaders so ineptly allow their country to be ruined with such blatant scapegoating of African immigrants? Since the end of Apartheid, it has been one blunder after the other. The early years were cushioned by the immense goodwill of Nelson Mandela. But apart from that, there were signs that the South African black politicians of the ANC are mediocre. Thabo Mbeki blundered himself to the point of denying the existence of HIV, when the disease was killing his citizens in their millions. Then came Jacob Zuma, a corrupt drunk, who ended up being booted out of office. Cyril Ramaphosa who replaced Zuma turns out as incompetent coward who could not take responsibility for such monumental disaster as xenophobia! When will they get it right? Do we need special reform that will ensure that the white South African politicians only will occupy certain portfolios in the executive council such as Foreign Affairs, Police and Justice?

Before I go further, let me state that DPA opposes the fact that any agency of Nigerian government could detain a person beyond 24 hours without charging him. Such practice violates our constitution and sets back human civilization. Having said that, let's address the reality of Sowore's forthcoming court case. On 22nd September will be 45 days after Justice Taiwo granted the DSS leave to detain Sowore on suspicion of treason and terrorism. On 21st of September, the court will review the matter. There are the following possibilities: 1) The DSS will choose to do nothing further and just release Sowore on or before the expiration of the 45 days: DSS will not take this option because it means that Sowore can sue them for unlawful arrest and detention. He will argue that there was no legitimate reason to arrest him, as DSS ultimately admitted by releasing him without charging him. Besides, it will create a precedent DSS hates to have. That is: it will suggest that the noises and protests by Sowore's friends had effect on DSS. On their part, DSS wants Nigerians to believe that they are too powerful to mess with, which is sad and unfortunate. 2) The DSS will apply for an extension of the 45  days: This will be DSS's weakest but obvious option because they will have to show why they could not complete the investigation and why they need extra 45 days. Justice Taiwo is about the toughest judge that DSS will face in Abuja. He is new to Abuja. He is extremely intelligent. He recently rejected extradition request by the US through the EFCC. And in another case by DSS, which has been pending for the past 5 years, which was reassigned to Taiwo, the judge granted bail over vigorous opposition from the DSS. So, unlike other judges, Justice Taiwo does not fear DSS. (Not yet). So, they have to work hard to satisfy him with their legal argument. But my assessment is that with a good effort, DSS will prevail. The legal threshold for detention under the Terrorism Act is very low. All that DSS needs are some unverified claims that Sowore was planning to engage in some terrorist acts. A picture of him and the leader of IPOB plus any statement calling for a revolution will be enough to cross that threshold. Because IPOB is a "proscribed" organization, and because Nnamdi Kanu is, as far as the courts are concerned, a person on whom a bench warrant lies, the court will interpret any association with Kanu negatively. You just need to understand why and what the law sought to achieve by proscribing IPOB. The goal was to isolate IPOB and make it unlawful for people to associate with it. So, when a man calling for a revolution is seen with the IPOB leader, the implication should be obvious. So, extension will be granted to DSS to detain Sowore for another 45 days period, if DSS chooses that option. 3) The DSS will file charges against Sowore at the expiration of the 45 days: With this option, Sowore will be arraigned and remanded in one of the Abuja prisons (correction facilities) unless the DSS succeed in having him remanded in their own facilities. This is the option DSS may not want yet. Once Sowore is remanded in regular prison, he may have access to telephone. Any unregulated access to the outside world means that Sowore who already has his Sahara Reporters will try to use that platform to attack those whom he feels engineered his predicament. DSS will not want that. They learned important lesson from their experience with Nnamdi Kanu. IPOB grew stronger while Nnamdi Kanu was detained in the regular prison. They have avoided detaining Dasuki and El-Zakzaky in regular prison. So, if they charge Sowore next week, they will seek to continue to remand him in their facilities. They will not like Sowore to repeat what Nnamdi Kanu did - use his period of detention to increase his following. On the question of bail: DSS will successfully oppose Sowore's bail application. They will try to show that Sowore has the capacity to temper with witnesses and interfere with investigation. What you must know is that during those years Sowore was using Sahara Reporters to extort money from people and blackmail them, every law enforcement agency in Nigeria had a file on him. DSS had a file on him. But nobody could reach him then because he was in America. Those files grew cold when Sowore became the mouthpiece of the APC against Jonathan and his PDP. But those files are being reactivated now.  So, Sowore's old victims are resurrecting and they will be calling the leaders of DSS with their complaints. So DSS will be doing some people a favor by not letting Sowore out soon. So, bail will be denied. They will consider him too dangerous to be free on bail. Besides, he can escape back to America and return to his old ways of attacking from outside the country. How will this help Sowore? Naturally, once the public feels that a person has suffered or has been punished more that he deserved, that person becomes a hero. If Sowore is detained for 3 years, there will be massive public sympathy for him. He will become a hero and then more mature and more eligible to run for a serious position such as House of Rep for a constituency in his Ondo State. In slightly more than one week, Sowore's case comes up again. Femi Falana's motion to vacate the initial order shall have become moot or overtaken by events because the order he is seeking to vacate has expired on its own force. Falana should be fighting now against the future measures from DSS and the courts. The lesson of Sowore case must be learned again. The Nigerian State is deeply repressive. When you take on the Nigerian government or any of its agencies, prepare for a drawn-out battle. Never count on those initial noises that will be made by the likes of Soyinka and Falana. Those noises disappear after the first two weeks. If Sowore needs to be free soon, his solution is outside the courts. Nigerian courts are largely slaves to the executive arm of government. Sowore, though an Ijaw person of Ondo extraction, has been accepted by some vocal Yorubas as one of them. Hopefully, they can pull their political strings to get him some soft landing.